Pull me closer.

Day 11.

2018 was over in a flash. For some of us, it was a struggle from the start and for most, a year containing a swirl of emotions. Maybe 2019 can be future in the making for a chosen few. The new year, a pathway to finding out everything you need about what will make you as happy as you can be in the year ahead. We all have our favourite memories, we all have our deepest regrets about what’s gone, but can we fix them? Do we want to fix them? Sometimes you don’t get a choice, things just play out the way they want to.

There’s different cuts of people in this world. The one person that you know that nothing is ever going to happen with. The maybe someday. The almost happened, the someone that could have been forever for you, if only either of you had a bit of courage. You might have had people in your life forever, or maybe some came on your radar in 2018. A chance encounter can lead to a friendship and more, can’t it? What about the people that got away? Could a resolution be to try and get back in touch with someone? Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time? There can’t be many things worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time. Some people come into your life and you just know you’d struggle to replace them if they left. The people that we wish things had worked out with, are much more important to us than the ones we wish we’d never met.

There’s your very first kiss and the one person that got away. Maybe the two aren’t mutually exclusive? No one surely chooses to be a regret, to be a ‘what if’. Then, there are people you meet and you know that something’s going to happen between you both eventually. Can you keep them?

If circumstances dictate that things between you and someone else can’t work out, is it better to wish that you’d never met, that you’d never noticed each other?

I was doing just fine before I met you.

There was never going to be a fight that tore us apart, it was just fucking circumstance. Days, months, years go by and then suddenly one day, things change, there’s contact. We started to talk again and the feelings that went away, came back with just one smile. Getting over her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I don’t think I can do it again. I had let the thought of her go, far less the thought of us. It’s even more complicated now so it can only ever be glances and smiles from afar.

We’re somewhere between nothing and something.

It’s different for everyone, sometimes things make more sense the second time around. If we keep ourselves thinking about giving someone only one chance, we might lose out on something beautiful. Time can have a way of putting things back together. You’ll find each other again if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Maybe the faster that can you get over that one person that got away, the faster you can move onto the one that’s waiting for you.

You’re moving closer.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Trust is a luxury.

Day 10.

2019. The resolutions we make will be mostly for ourselves, won’t they? It’s okay to be thinking of someone else though, someone who you care about. Caring and thinking about other people is a good thing to do. Maybe pat yourself on the back if you want them to have a better year than you, or maybe just be humble and wish them nothing but the best. Much better to spread the love, right? It makes us giggle, it makes us smile and also makes us happy when we remember those moments that we shared with the special people that were in our lives in the year just gone. Sure, there’s some regret but it’s just life. It has a way of giving you an incredible high one day and then making you plummet the next.

We all have a lot to ponder in our quiet moments as the year progresses, we pay a lot of attention to our thoughts. How far we’ve come and how far we still have to go, how strong or how weak we are. You hope for good things to happen to you, whilst hoping that the worst things in your life don’t come to be. Isn’t it true that maybe the only thing that needs to change for you to have a good year is your way of thinking?

Thinking of someone else is a good way to start the year. If that person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to stay. It’s okay if they need to go though and be with someone else, what’s the point in reserving a place in your heart for those people who don’t want to make an effort to hang around?

Trust is a luxury.

She stood out. That’s not always easy to do in a world when there’s so much hurt going on every day. We were together forever, but on and off forever too. Intrinsically you know there are a lot of relationships that were never meant to happen but this one did. You know it might be something better and different when you don’t necessarily like someone the way that someone else does. I liked the things that she wasn’t even aware of, the way she would smile, the way she twirled her hair. The way she acted weird, the words that she could never pronounce correctly. Sometimes it’s about the story with someone and I wanted to keep on turning the pages.

Things changed because one day something happened with her. There are so many reasons to be happy, don’t all of us deserve a happy ending? Another choice to make. When you start compromising your morals, far less yourself, it’s probably time to change the people you have in your life and so it ends.

A lot of us are hopefully good people but when we have those type of relationships that go wrong, we need to find closure. You try to get rid of that relationship but isn’t it always worth mending a friendship if you get past the romantic stage? No grudges, but you cut that shit off because you know it’s gone.

You keep going though. No matter how many mistakes we make, or how we get through our lives in the year ahead, aren’t we still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying?

No point in hating. I wish you nothing but success.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Your beautiful destiny.

Day 8.

One day it hits you that you’re not really a child anymore. When that time comes though is different for everyone of us. When you move out of home, maybe after your first relationship when that person breaks your heart. Perhaps you know that the end of your childhood is here when you realise that you know as much as the adults in your life do. Maybe it happens when you start looking back on things and wishing that you could change them, it’s all subjective. Whenever it is, we grow up almost overnight because we have to. A stage in your life when your innocence disappears, a time when our awareness of having to be responsible kicks in. Sucks, right? Can one of your resolutions be to try and rediscover the things that you enjoyed before you had to put on your big boy shoes?

As you grow up, you get told a shit ton of things by people, especially your parents. One is almost universally being convinced that you can do anything with your life. It’s a nice thought, but the thing is, somewhere between being a child and becoming an adult, things change, your plans change. Your parents mould your world but then one day, you get to do it all for yourself and maybe even help contribute to someone else’s. We need some advice now and again about growing up and facing all of the things that life is going to throw at us, but you can choose to take whichever piece of wisdom you get given. Don’t we all want to find that X on our own personal treasure map though?

Growing up doesn’t need to be a bad thing, it lets us find our own place in the world, to find out who we really are, and to live the life that we imagined we’d have when we were younger.

Yet as the days continue to pass, don’t you find that the dreams you had then, and the reality you have now, are miles apart? Hopefully, it’s as good as we imagined, but often it’s slightly less cool than we’d pictured. Maybe the only thing we really want back is our childhood, but you know that those days will never return, you can’t get them back.

When we were younger, it was a time when delight was the only season. Not yet proper adults, just young people living the life that makes us wistful now. Breaking curfews, getting grounded. Gatecrashing a party, kissing as many of the girls there as you wanted, or who were willing to let you, and you didn’t think anything of it. Stumbling home early in the morning, shaking your head and smirking at everyone heading to work. Everything was given to us, anything was possible, at least if you didn’t let your parents know about half of the stuff you’d been getting up to. Who would spill their secrets?

Maybe all you want to do sometimes as an adult is to get away from all of reality.

Growing old is happening to everyone but, is it possible to never grow up?

Everyone makes mistakes when we’re young, but if we counted those mistakes up against the ones we make as an adult, do any of us actually think that there were fewer when we were younger?

Growing up is difficult, because there will always be a moment when everything is a struggle. Won’t there always be a moment though when everything is perfect? Sure, you might have memories of doing some things that you won’t forget but know that you’ll never experience them again. Your life and the people in it are going to change, and the hardest part is realising that there’s nothing you can do about it.

A girl who I’m not with, but who I’ll always have love for, once went to a psychic and was asked to take photographs of the significant people in her life. She was told that I was Peter Pan and that I’d never grow up. So far, she’s been absolutely spot on. A different place will be called home this year but it won’t be Neverland.

No one likes getting older, but for some of us, maybe 2019 is the year to grow up. Maybe it’s time to go shopping for some big boy shoes.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Rewinding the picture.

Day 7.

Alarm, an anxious awareness of danger, a warning sound or device.

It’s the last day of the year. It’s time to say goodbye to all of the bad things in your life that happened in 2018, but perhaps it’s farewell for some of the good things too. Letting go is difficult though, isn’t it? Whether it’s a friend, a job or a relationship, it can be so hard to let go of attachments, especially if you don’t really want to, but some things are necessary. You’re moving forward, so you’re letting go of the past that was beginning to drag you down. Good on all of us that have the bravery to make that decision.

If you want to forget something or someone, there’s little point second guessing yourself about the original decision you made to let that someone or something into your life. You live and learn, isn’t that the common saying? It can be even tougher if it’s a boy or girl that you were close to but what’s the point in hating him or her? Maybe you found out he or she was doing something that they shouldn’t have been, you just know sometimes that something isn’t quite right, but when you begin to question it, their barriers go up, and so your shutters tend to come down. Not everyone’s a mystery though, lots of people are open books and sometimes you just forget how to read. Sure, your world is a tiny bit emptier with their departure, but maybe they’ve been let go to free up space for someone that you might really need in 2019. It’s okay to get to the stage where you realise that someone belonged only to your past, time to begin to accept it, as much as it might hurt to do so.

It can be cathartic, the day comes when you understand everything that you need to do, the choice that you need to make, will be the day that you stop trying to figure your shit out. Letting go isn’t a thing that you do once though, it’s something you have to do every day, over and over again. It can be obvious to yourself that, although you’re down, you’re by no means out. New year, new start?

There’s a girl who was with someone else, and then they got together. She left her ex to start something new but there was always a part of him thinking that if she could do that to him, she could do it again. There goes the alarm.

It’s hard to let go of someone he cares about and it’s even more difficult to let go of the belief in her. The disappointment of finding out someone isn’t who he thought they were will sting for a while, but it’s time to see what lies ahead from tomorrow onwards.

Should he send a message to wish her all the best for the year ahead?

When that clock chimes at midnight, if you’re tempted to text a certain someone from your past on New Year’s Eve, don’t. Nope, just don’t do it, hopefully sense kicks in, there goes the alarm again.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

What dreams are made of.

Day 6.

Everyone has experienced one of those type of days. You wake up in the morning and you’re not motivated to do anything. Sometimes, maybe you can do nothing and laze the day away, but chances are that you still have things to be getting on with. It’s just life, but so full of duties, personal issues and responsibilities that sometimes it can be impossible to know where to start. None of us likes to admit it, but aren’t we all are struggling to get motivated from time to time? Often we simply can’t get started with doing what we need to do. It can be a daily struggle, just a circle that we can’t seem to escape. Things will change though, won’t they?

There’s an old Chinese proverb that probably nails it if you’re struggling. “Deep doubts, deep wisdom; small doubts, little wisdom.”

Doubt can be a useful thing, it keeps you guessing. Can you know the strength of yourself until you’ve been tested? What do you do to try and make things better, doubt your doubts before you doubt yourself? It’s okay, being scared about whatever you want to achieve in 2019 is natural. What’s the point in ever doubting your own instinct? Doubt everything, find your own motivation to do what you need or want to do next year. If you’ve ever met someone that’s famous or successful and you’ve managed to spend some time with them, you know intrinsically that even they have doubts, that they have fears, that they have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them from pushing on. Not a bad lesson to learn as a new year gets closer.

It’s tough to always be strong though, and perhaps the worst part about that to the people in your life, is that no one seems to ever ask if you’re okay. One of the problems with the world is that some people are always so certain of themselves, whilst maybe the wiser ones can be full of doubt. That’s fine, you figure out your own motivation, what’s going to make you happy. Letting someone else be a roadblock to what makes you fulfilled on your journey to your goals is stupid. Doubt will kill your dreams before failure ever will.
Show no fear, have no regrets, display no weakness. This might sound tough as this year closes but don’t waste a second of your life, it’s too short and you’re too fucking special.

We’ve all had a lot dreams growing up. Time to make some of them come true? Will there be difficulties? For sure, but these challenges will make you feel better once you get what you want to achieve.

Hard work and determination can take you where you want to go if you have an idea or a plan. Is there doubt about what lies ahead? Absolutely. Is there trepidation? You’d better believe it. What’s the point wondering about what if though? Several plans have been made, it’s your turn now. It could be a big year ahead for you if you want it to be one.

Just watch. Set, ready, go for the take off.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

There’s nothing for me to miss.

Day 4.

“There is an end to everything, to good things as well.” It’s a quote by Chaucer that’s over 600 years old, and has changed over time, most of us now know the derived version as “All good things come to an end.”

No one likes losing good things, but maybe that loss helps you to be better in the long term. Some people will always come and go in your life but the loss of some hit harder than others. Aren’t we all tormented now and again by some past relationships? Maybe 2019 will be the year that you put her or him behind you and move on. Be honest with yourself, you can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one.

It’s okay to miss someone, because don’t you also miss the part of you that you had when you were with them? You shared experiences and more, and now that’s gone. Maybe you shouldn’t be missing them but you feel what you feel in any given moment.

It’s funny how all the feelings you had when you were in love with someone can sit gathering dust in the back of your mind, only to come flooding out at the slightest reminder. You hear a song maybe, and it all comes back to you. Now you’re thinking about them again. Fuck. Is there much point thinking about people from your past though? Sure, there will be times when you think it’s a good idea to call them and see how they’re doing. Do you really care about how they’re doing, aren’t you just trying to get back an idea of what you had? No point hurting yourself, you liked them, but there’s a reason why they didn’t make it into your future. It hurts like hell when the person that made you feel like a million dollars one day, decides that they don’t want you the next. She chased me because she liked and wanted me. She got me, but then she left me.

From best friends to strangers.

Your friends rally round because they get it too. She made me feel like less of a man because I couldn’t give her what she wanted any more. Some friends have bizarre traditions and one that we have is to convene a tribunal if one of us is being a dick about something. There are times though that people know when to be there for you. No tribunal needed, everyone knows that the hurt is real.

It turns out that time can be a healer. Regret her? No point, she was exactly what I needed at one time and it must have been the same for her.

Maybe the biggest test comes when a boy and a girl meet after their breakup. That feeling you get when you bump into into your ex and you’re looking your best though. You still remember things, don’t you? The eyes, the smile. It happened randomly one day. We looked at each other, smiled, traded pointless words, had a hug and left. The funny thing is that one of us knew that it was a good idea that we split. In that moment, the penny drops that all we really shared was an address, a bed and a lot of lies.

She calls, but I leave it to go to voicemail. Hours later, I listen to the message and as it finishes, I hear the words, “You’ll never find someone like me.” There’s a regretful smile because that’s exactly the point. She’s the past and has nothing new to say to me any more. She ranks amongst one of the most beautiful people that I’ve let into my world but there’s not going to be an idiot ex who wants her love again. I thought I still loved her but then I realised I just love the memories of who she used to be.

Is she sorry for the way she treated me? I don’t know, but maybe I do care, even if it’s only a tiny bit. It’s a new year coming soon though so I don’t worry about that. The focus is on my own growth, maybe she’ll be the one who makes me strong.

If you’re hurting right now, be proud of your heart. It’s been broken, cheated and stabbed but it’s still working. 2019 might just be your year.

My ex? We’re not enemies, that shit is dead and gone, it’s just not what it used to be.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

The world could change it’s heart.

Day 2.

The time for the tradition of making resolutions in 2019 is edging closer.

If something has happened to you this year that’s knocked your self-confidence, then isn’t there only one resolution to make for 2019? Love yourself more? There are other things that are important, of course there are, but is anything more vital than your own self-esteem being at a healthy and high level? Maybe one of the best days you’ll ever have arrives when you decide that your life is your own. It sets you up to be better to everyone else that you care about or that you come across during every day, doesn’t it? No point in beating yourself up over any mistakes that you might have made in the past. There’s no longer a need to say or make an excuse to anyone, now you lean and rely on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to stand in your own sunshine.

Life becomes better, surely? Those difficult decisions that you need to make in your life are a bit easier to decide upon because you trust yourself more. What’s the point taking this incredible journey through your life with the handbrake on? Wouldn’t that make you feel more deserving of all of the good things that you desire? You might find that you have more focus than ever before, you can go and try and achieve all that you want. Treating yourself better can be tough but how great could it feel, if and when you get there?

You move forward and and hopefully you doubt yourself less than you did before. Your opinion of yourself increases, so maybe you don’t need the attention or validation from other people that you did before, certainly not those individuals that caused you pain in 2018. Why worry about what others think of you, do you care more about their opinion than you do your own? Accept who you are, but go ahead and make the changes that you want to, not just because you think that someone else wants you to be different. You’d give anything for an inner stability, wouldn’t you? It’s tough when things you have going on are negative or uncertain at times but all of us can push through, even if you might need some help now and again. Keep the good people close.

Maybe there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark.

Don’t we all need to realise how important that we are to the lives of some people? How essential you can be to someone that you might never even have met. Don’t we all leave something of ourselves when we interact with another person? Maybe 2019 will be the year that you find a shit ton of stuff to care enough to make room for in your life. You should be number one though.

No one wants to be relying on someone else for our happiness. If you have someone that you love and are in love with, then that’s fantastic, but make you happy first of all. Let someone in when you know that you’re ready to trust yourself to be in touch with everything that you’ve got going on. Maybe it’s the case that if you can’t love yourself, no one else will be able to. Isn’t it only you that’s responsible for you?

Go and do that one thing that you want to do in 2019. There will always be someone out there to tell you that you’re making the wrong decision but lose them from your life, fuck what they think. It’s about you. Baby steps, but you don’t need to know what the entire world needs, what is it that you need? Go and do it. Why waste time?

Each of us has suffered various emotions this year. Feeling defeated at times, hurting at loss, struggling to know where we are or where we’re going, but we’re still here.

Beautiful people don’t just happen. Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.

We’re stars and we’re beautiful

#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

The things no one can see.

Day 1.

Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year. If you have children, then maybe the 25th of December is all that it’s cracked up to be. Is there anything quite as heartwarming as the smile and the look of wonder on a child’s face, as they open their presents? Tradition is important at this time of the year. Presents, sure they’re materialistic, but who really cares? Everyone has their own things they do every year. Bucks fizz for breakfast, bacon rolls for lunch, maybe an afternoon nap. Isn’t part of the fun of the day, running downstairs on Christmas morning and discovering the pile of presents waiting for you under the tree, especially as a child? Is it really Christmas until the tree goes up? It’s all worth it though when you switch those lights on and see those smiles again. Don’t be doing that shit before December, it’s just not right.

A lot of us don’t have work to worry about for a couple of weeks, healthy eating goes out of the window, and it becomes acceptable to start drinking at 10am on a Tuesday morning. It’s also acceptable to be sitting around in your pyjamas all day and watching Christmas movies. You’ve checked out when your favourite Christmas film is on, Elf, maybe Home Alone. Usually when you have time off from work, there’s that pressure to actually do stuff. It’s different at this time of the year, you can sit back, have a few mince pies, a glass of something and feel no regrets. Spending time with family is maybe something that you don’t do much during the year, but the festive season is a chance to put that right. Sure, some of those family members might be annoying, but Christmas gives you that chance to spend some time with them.

It’s not always easy though if you’re not around the ones that you love. Christmas can be a lonely place and time. For all of it’s tradition of being together with family, it can make those feelings of loneliness feel difficult, regardless of who you have around. Tougher if you’re on your own though, right?

You can think too much about things just now. The year is nearly over and it’s been an emotional one. You’ve lost someone close to you, a relationship has ended, perhaps you’re not where you want to be or who you want to be with. The thought of a new year can be cathartic, hopefully everything changes for you if this year has been one that you’d rather forget. Time to make resolutions?

You can be who you were or who you’ll become.

How shit is it when you’re never more alone than when you’re in a relationship? Someone who has no inclination of your feelings and oblivious to your fears. There’s a casual compassion of friends sometimes, but on one level you understand it, everyone is busy at this time of year, even if they’re not religious. Better to be riding solo?

You don’t have anyone around to spend this magical day on, so what do you do? Travel is always a good plan, take yourself away and experience something and somewhere new. Dinner won’t be easy, but you could rock up somewhere and do something different, who says that pizza at Christmas is a bad idea? Shop for gifts for yourself, always nice to have something to open, even if you already know what it is. You can do all of these things and still be lonely though.

Maybe all you need to do is rejoice and reflect. Maybe things haven’t gone your way. Maybe you’re still grieving for everyone that you’ve lost in the last twelve months. It’s okay not to be immerged in the spirit of this time of year as long as you’re okay. It’s okay to remember one thing.

If it all goes wrong, just hold on.

@TheSamMcLeod

#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

I search for the resolution.

Frank Ra, author of the new year’s resolution book “A course in happiness” says that “Resolutions are more sustainable when shared, both in terms of with whom you share the benefits of your resolution, and with whom you share the path of maintaining your resolution. Peer support makes a difference in success rate with new year’s resolutions”.

News to me, I’ve never made resolutions in my life at this time of year. Until today. This year, I’ve made two resolutions that I’ll make sure that I keep. I want to be one of those 8% of people who achieve their new year goals.

Today, I placed £10 into an online betting account and made 10 £1 bets. My aim is to take the winnings from today, large or small and to make another bet or bets tomorrow with whatever winnings are in the account. I’ll then look to make a bet or bets during every day of 2014 so that on December 31st, I’ll then be able to donate what I hope is a sizeable amount to charity.

The other resolution I’ve made is a far more personal one. A friend recently introduced me to the website, 1secondeveryday.com. The basic premise of the project is, “What if you could remember something from every day of your life?”.  It doesn’t seem like one second is enough to remember much, but you’d be surprised what one second of visual and audio information can bring back to your memory. You record something in your life every day and then the app lets you stitch these together to make a video of your week, your month, your year or your life.

I’d do well to be able to remember to do this every day for the rest of my life but I really want to make this happen in 2014. Personally, it’ll be one of the biggest years of my life so I’d like to sit back at the end of the year and look back on the highlights.

Hopefully it’ll be six minutes and five seconds of highlights, fingers crossed.

So this is the new year.

Here we are.

For some of us, we are on the 365th and final day of the year. Some of us have already or are currently enjoying the celebrations as midnight has come and gone depending on our respective locations.

I know for some people the 31st of December is just another day. It’s always been a personal favourite of mine as I think about all the exciting things to come in the year ahead. Not once does the possibility of everything not going completely to plan enter my head, this certainly can’t be put down to youthful naivety!

I’ve only ever experienced the clock chiming midnight on December 31st in three different countries, Scotland, Italy and the USA. All three countries have very contrasting traditions for this most special night.

In Italy, it’s tradition to wear red underwear to ring in luck for the year ahead! This goes for men and women!

Four years ago tonight, my girlfriend at the time and I were sat in a little restaurant in Venice called Bacaro Jazz, enjoying our meal before heading to Piazza San Marco to join in the celebrations. Those who know the restaurant know that it is also encouraged for female diners to donate their bra which is then pinned to the ceiling. Cue the scenes as midnight approached when pretty much every single women in the place undid their bra, red of course, and handed it to a beaming barman to hang up. Let’s face it, all of us men would have had the smile he had on his face at that point!

Two years ago tonight, we were in New York. Probably the most famous tradition in the United States is the dropping of the New Year ball in Times Square, New York City. At 11:59 pm, thousands gather to watch the ball make its one minute descent, arriving exactly at midnight.

It was a great night, although rather bizarre to watch Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber and Pitbull perform in the flesh. I’m convinced not one of them sang live!

And to Scotland. Whether it’s been quiet nights in watching Scotch and Wry and Only An Excuse or street parties in which ever city I’ve been, each one has been memorable for it’s own reasons.

Tonight will be a quiet one, reflecting on the year just gone and the twelve months that are ahead. 2013 has been a year of change, job, house, relationship status, apparently the three most stressful changes in life. Roll on 2014!

I’ve been fortunate to meet some incredible people this year whether through work, play, even meets that have been instigated by social media.

Things change, some important people to me and a lot of others have passed away. Some new additions to my family and friends have entered the world and I look forward to those boys and girls growing up.

To everyone that has met me, spent time with me or interacted with me in one way or another, I hope that 2014 brings you every happiness and success that you deserve.

Enjoy the celebrations tonight, I’m excited to see what 2014 brings for all of us.

Bliadhna Mhath Ùr.